I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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