She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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