yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
