we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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