Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
