You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
