so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
