it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
