Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
