haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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