You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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