i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
