Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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