I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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