Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
