is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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