So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
