you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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