AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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