i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
