His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
