I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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