I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
