she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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