i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Houston, we have a squirter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
