Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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