is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
