Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
