saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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