I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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