My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
