side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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