I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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