I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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