I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Randomize
