When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
