Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
