Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
