just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
