coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
