How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
