just come out here and I will go home with you...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
