sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
