I'm sorry my penis didn't work
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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