I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
