I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
