I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
