I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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