I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dignity is for republicans.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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