Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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