If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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